The Entertainer, Volume 5 (Beach Edition)

This installment of The Entertainer is brought to you by my vacation. These are the books I read (or started and haven't finished yet) and the main movies and TV shows that I watched. Enjoy!

Title: 39 Years of Short Term Memory Loss

Author: Tom Davis

Why?: Because I like Saturday Night Live. I like biographies. And I like the 70s.

Three Thoughts: I...did not like this as much as I thought I would. I mean, it had some good stories, but the storytelling was very disjointed, jumped around a lot, and had a lot more non-SNL stuff than SNL stuff - I think either he was high when he wrote it, or the drugs he kept talking about rotted his brain quite a bit. A decent book, but if you want to read about SNL, read Live From New York or the spectacular The Chris Farley Show, which I really can not recommend more highly.


Title: Eat Pray Love

Author: Elizabeth Gilbert

Why?: A number of reasons...I first saw Niki reading it, so it had been on my radar since then (and this was back when she lived in Baltimore, so it was a few years ago). And the movie just came out. I don't have any great desire to see the movie, but in the event that I change my mind, I wanted to have read the book beforehand.

Three Thoughts: I liked this a lot more than I thought I would, particularly the part where she was in Italy (which reminded me of my friend Maura, who now lives in Italy, which is entirely too far away). Gilbert is very likable in what could easily have turned into a whiny and/or holier-than-thou type of story. A good, quick beach book without being trashy (not that I have a problem with trashy ;-)

Title: Anchorman

Notable Actors: Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Christina Applegate, Steve Carell, David Koechner

Why?: Because it's awesome. I've seen it enough to know that. And for some reason, my parents got over their dislike of Will Ferrell and chose this one to bring to the beach out of my entire DVD collection.

Three Thoughts: Heh...as if I could cram my love for this film into three sentences! As Will Ferrell films go, particularly his starring roles, this is probably one of the least objectionable. The spectacular supporting cast helps, as does the plot and the historical setting. The 70s are never not funny, especially when populated by these people.

Title: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4

Notable Actors: Rob McElhenney, Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Kaitlin Olson, Danny DeVito

Why?: Because it is awesome (although not for the faint of heart...it's quite vulgar, too). And because I got this season as a birthday gift and hadn't watched it yet.

Three Thoughts: Awesome as always (although my previous disclaimer about vulgarity still stands!). Episode highlights include those entitled "Who Pooped the Bed?" and "The Nightman Cometh," although really, you can't go wrong with any of them. I can't wait for the next season to start next month :-)

Title: Easy Riders, Raging Bulls: How the Sex-Drugs-and-Rock 'n' Roll Generation Saved Hollywood

Author: Peter Biskind

Why?: I'm not sure where I heard about this book, but it's about the changes in the movie industry from 1968-1982.

Three Thoughts: I'm a little bit in love with this book. It reminds me of Pictures at a Revolution, which I also loved and couldn't put down. It really does make me want to rewatch The List, something I haven't done since high school...maybe I'll rewatch chronologically this time, and blog about it ;-)

Title: The Switch

Notable Actors: Jennifer Aniston, my beloved Jason Bateman

Why?: Because Jason Bateman is my boyfriend.

Three Thoughts: This was far more enjoyable than I expected it to be. It moved briskly, and for a romantic comedy, wasn't too stupid. I'm the first to admit that my love for Jason Bateman knows no bounds, though, so take this review with a grain of salt - your mileage may vary.

Catch A Wave (Day 7) [a.k.a. Attack of the Blob!]

Friday, our last day at the beach, was beautiful. And pretty uneventful. I sat on the beach and read my book. All day. It was glorious.

The beach itself was gorgeous that day, too. High tide wasn't until 6 pm, so there was a lot of free beach area when we got there in the morning. However, it quickly filled up. Now, one of the most annoying things one can do on a beach is sit directly in front of you. I know that it's a beach, and there's only so much you can do about that, but yeah...one of these days I'm going to dig a trench around my personal space so no one invades it. Luckily, our area wasn't too invaded until later in the afternoon, when I was the only one left. Seriously, my mom had been gone for maybe 10 minutes when some Umbrella Poachers came by.

The Umbrella Poacher is a very specific type of beachgoer. They sneak up to the edge of a vacant umbrella, and leave most of their stuff there. Then, as they realize no one is coming back to claim said umbrella, they inch closer and closer to the shade:
On a related note, what is up with little kids wanting to roll in the sand?! I understand toddlers; they don't understand, and it feels cool. But this kid was at least 6, probably 7, and had no reason for the sand-rolling. Ew.

But I digress. Here is the Poachers' stuff when they all went into the water. Now, don't get me wrong - if they had asked if the umbrella was mine and/or if the people who had rented it were coming back, I would've happily told them they could use it. But they didn't ask, didn't make eye contact, just inched up toward the free shade. Grr.

Another type of person you see on the beach is The Blob, also known as the Space Invader. Case in point - The Blob that invaded us on Tuesday. This kind of beachgoer sends one or two people out to find available space. This is often a dad or late-elementary school-aged kid, both of whom are usually clueless about the social mores of beachgoing. They stake out some space for themselves, which, given that there are just a few of them, is no big deal.

Until they stand up and start waving at the rest of their entourage, which contains moms, grandparents, and multiple extra children. The Blob then spreads out in front of you, getting as close as humanly (or blobly) possible to you and the edge of your umbrella shade. It's bad enough when it's a considerate Blob, which keeps to itself and doesn't kick sand, run through your area, etc. But Blobs are rarely considerate. They spread, have children who kick sand and run through your space, have children who fight with each other, and worst of all - they have tents.

Will someone please explain to me the newfangled fad of having a mini-tent on the beach? The aforementioned Blob from Tuesday had a tent, but at least they had a couple of toddlers who sat inside it away from the sun. If it keeps a toddler from screaming, the tent is OK with me as long as it doesn't get in my way (although that's why God invented the beach umbrella, which works just as well). The Blob today had a tent just like theirs. However, the youngest kid in their group was all of 7 years old. And refused to sit under the tent. Seriously, they were in front of me for an hour and a half, and outside of two minutes right after they set the thing up, NO ONE used the damn tent!

The tent was good for one thing, though - The Blob put their tent right in front of the Umbrella Poachers' stuff!

Seriously, even poaching some of the poached shade. I never thought I would be defending Umbrella Poachers, but at least these people tried to minimize the space they had poached, and not get in anyone's way. And outside of the poaching and the sand rolling, these people seemed to be quiet and not annoying. The Blob - this one in particular - is far worse than the Poacher.

I stayed on the beach until around 5 pm. I was trying to stay until the tide came in, in the hopes that The Blob would get wet, but sadly, I had to go back to help pack. There are no pictures of this, because it is sad. After we packed (and had a lovely dinner of unhealthy Boardwalk food), we headed over to my uncle's house to say goodbye to them. All of their children and grandchildren had accumulated throughout the day, so it was lovely to see everyone. On the way over there, though, I think we were driving behind Delaware's answer to the Duggar Family. Check out the number of kid stickers on this here car:

After visiting with everyone, we headed home, and then got up bright and early Saturday morning for an uneventful trip home. Well, uneventful except for stopping at Fractured Prune, home of the awesomest donuts ever. And when we got home, we were greeted by this very happy welcoming committee:

Catch A Wave (Day 6) [a.k.a. There Was More Than One Lobster Present At The Birth Of Jesus?]

Day 6 started with the return of the sun - yay! We got down to the beach bright and early, and even beat the lifeguards there.

Unfortunately, we couldn't stay too long, as we were supposed to meet my aunt for lunch. We did get in about three hours of beach time before we had to leave, though.


We headed back out Route 26 to a tiny restaruant in a remodeled old house called The Cafe. We had never been before, but it turned out to be an excellent choice. I had a very good crab cake sandwich there. The only odd thing was that my presence lowered the average age of the clientele by about half. It remindend me of the Little Old Lady land scene in The Producers, except I wasn't trying to get money from them like Max Bialystock. (A clarification - this is not a bad thing about the restaurant. It was most likely just a coincidence, as young people at the beach are probably more likely to actually be on the beach at lunchtime rather than at a nice cafe like this. I'd still highly recommend the place!)


After lunch, we headed down to Fenwick Island to do some shopping. First we stopped for gas. I tried to go to the bathroom at the gas station, but some guy who looked like Pete Campbell and had an Eastern European accent told me "we no have public restrooms." Because that's smart for a gas station. So instead, I got to pump the gas for everyone while they watched.


We went to a few shops in Fenwick. Let me preface this section by saying that I enjoy all of the places we went, and bought far too much stuff. However, the pictures likely do not reflect this - most of them are of the fugly crap that the stores were selling, not the quality merchandise. I would highly recommend any of these stores, especially the second one.





The first store -

Now, I am not Irish, but I do like green things. This place had plenty of those. Some cute (including a bracelet I considered buying), and some...well, let's let the picture speak for itself.

The next store was right next door, and is one of my favorites. I once made Niki walk all the way from her parents' beach house to this place in an effort to buy cheese, not remembering that they closed well before we set out on our journey. They have lots of cool stuff here, like this wealth of flamingo-themed kitchenware. You all may remember the logo from the container in my kitchen where I keep spatulas and wooden spoons and things; I bought a cutting board to match when I was there this time.

This store also has some more interesting wares, though. Like these...apparently, if you don't like the way your toilet looks, you can fancy it up a bit.








I also found these dolls, which reminded me of Conan's 1864 baseball sketch. (Seriously - if you haven't watched that video, do yourself a favor and go watch it. It's awesome, and it also makes the following picture that much funnier.)

We went to one more store. Our primary purpose was to visit their Vera Bradley section, but we also took a look at the stuff they had upstairs. Again, some cute stuff, like this elephant that I wanted to take home

as well as a few lamps that I liked.

They also had some...more interesting products for sale. For instance, a bowl coated in animal hide:

A vase decorated with...well, take a look and see if you can figure out what it is. Because there's only one thing I can think of that looks like that.

Here's another lamp, which was not quite as pretty as the ones I showed above. My thought process when I saw this one: "Ooh, polka dots! Ken would like this! No, wait, it's brown, she hates brown. Oh my gosh - is that a RABBIT? Yeah, the brown will not be why she hates this lamp."

And best of all - what I started to refer to as "The Godfather Collection."

Creepiness.


Anyway, after all of that shopping, we went out to dinner at a restaurant called NorthEast Seafood Kitchen (owned by the same people who own Blue Coast, another good restaurant in Bethany).

On Thursdays, apparently it's Lobster Night at NorthEast. A couple of these little fellows made their way to the table to meet us. (Heh...lobster always reminds me of that scene in Love Actually where Emma Thompson's daughter tells her that she's going to play the lobster in the Nativity play.)

We put them to good use, both eaten and non-eaten parts.

After dinner, we all headed home, where I put on my crustacean pants. I figure, after eating crab cakes for lunch, and Mr. Lobster for dinner, they were appropriate.

Catch A Wave (Day 5) [a.k.a. I'm Kind Of A Big Deal]

So...y'all remember that rain from yesterday? Yeah...it might've been clear Tuesday night, but it picked right back up again during the night. It even woke me up. Effing rain. So we took this day to go shopping at the outlets. Knowing that this is a very, very popular activity for beachgoers on a rainy day, we set out early. We stopped for breakfast at a cute little restaurant on the way there (and also, on the way to Key West, apparently).
The beastly rain wrecked my hair.

After breakfast, we headed up to the outlets. I had great success at J. Crew, Ann Taylor, and especially Loft, where I got two new sundresses and a couple of very cute cardigans (including one in my favorite color, dark green, which is getting increasingly hard to find).

The outlets were surprisingly uncrowded at first, but that changed quickly. Very quickly. It was OK at first...people would let you cross the street without running you down with their car, no one acted like you were going to cut in front of them if you tried to get past them and they were in line, etc.

However, things went downhill very quickly. Shopping is a tiring activity. You have to be a seasoned shopper to stand up to something as strenuous as rainy day beach outlet shopping. Most of the people there? Not that seasonsed. An admirable effort, and extra snaps to anyone trying to train their children to shop that day, but yeah. You didn't succeed. You just made yourself and your spawn tired. And cranky. And you got in my way, and tried to kill me and my peeps in the parking lot. Fail. You should know better than to get in my way. I am a master shopper, and should not have to endure such idiocy. An example: the line at Old Navy. See that window, far in the distance? That's where the line ended. This type of shopping is not for the faint of heart.

On the way back to Bethany, we stopped at Happy Harry's to pick up a few things. And saw this. Now, I don't own a Snuggie, but I once bought one as a gift for a very good friend who is often cold and went to the school whose logo was emblazoned on the thing. I would not personally use one, but I can see their merit. Behold - the stupidest Snuggie ever. I mean, seriously. Why on earth would you want to use one of these on a beach? Beaches are hot! Why why why would you want to cover yourself with a thick layer of terry cloth?!

Finally, we returned home. We were tired. We ate sausage dip and chips and doritos and other various leftovers for dinner. This was not a bad thing. I also got my parents to watch a Will Ferrell movie. Surprisingly, they seemed to really enjoy it (although my mother was quite upset about the scene where "the man punted Baxter"). (This line, however? Never. Ever. Ever not funny.)

After Anchorman, there was another Scrabble game, and then we all retired to bed. Shopping amongst crazy people and eating sausage dip are tiring activities!

Catch A Wave (Day 4) [a.k.a. The Rain Rain Rain Came Down Down Down]

Tuesday started like any other day, with a walk to the beach, where we set up our area a bit closer to the ocean than previous days in an attempt to prevent people from blocking our view. This was to no avail - we had an hour or two of clear view, which was soon interrupted by a herd of adults and children who spread out directly in front of us. To their credit, they did set up their stupid tent to the right of the area rather than straight before me, but yeah. The fact that they had the damn tent at all was pretty irritating.

They did build this spectacular sand castle, though, so their presence wasn't a total waste.

The morning's sun didn't last too long before the clouds rolled in around noon.

The rain wasn't far behind.

With the rain came a rather cool breeze, so we covered ourselves in dry towels to stay warm.

These towel blankets were soon converted to umbrellas.

We were sure that the rain would blow over soon. We were wrong - after about 20 minutes of sitting under towels and umbrellas, protecting cell phones and books and leaving the rest to get soaked, the thunder and lightning started. All of the remaining beach-sitters took off like bats out of hell to get off the beach back to their cars and homes.

I took this opportunity to make bacon. Except we couldn't get the stupid oven to work, despite this brain trust working on it. (And by "working on it," I mean "doing everything I had done again.")

After the bacon fiasco (which resulted in me having to cook the stupid stuff in a pan on the stove, which is not my favorite method since Ken showed me how to cook it in the oven), we settled down to relax. Some of us in our new seersucker jackets.

The rain continued throughout the afternoon.

When we weren't watching the spectacular It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia on DVD, we watched the rain come down. In rushing, rising rivlets. (Notice my super cool Mediterranean White beach towel. I swear, Vera Bradley makes the best freaking beach towels.)

We were surprised to see that our street was entirely flooded for the majority of the afternoon.

By dinnertime, though, the street was clear again. Which was good, because David had to leave after dinner to go to work the next day. Sucks to be him.

After David left, we headed to the Boardwalk, which was much clearer than earlier in the day.

We visited a number of stores. Some sold good shoes,

and some sold bad shoes (which would be Crocs. But I was denied permission to use the picture I took of my mother looking at the Crocs. I say it's because the shoes are an abomination, but she says she doesn't like the face she is making in it. Said picture could be shared, though, if the price is right).

Also, during my hunt for postcards to send to the cool kids, we discovered a store selling live creatures. Now, many stores sell hermit crabs (some of which had shells painted like Superman, which is super duper cool), but not so many sell the neverending frog of doom. A word of advice - do not buy one. It will not die. Or at least, it'll take over a decade for it to do so. And it will become cannibalistic, sadistic, and possibly suicidal/dog-eating. And yet, my mother watched them intently like she wanted another one.

After we pried my mother away from Frog Town, we headed back home, where we played Scrabble, and then retired to bed, hoping the next day would be a bit sunnier and less full of stupid people, bad shoes, and hateful amphibians.