It's Called Some Kind of Dickin' Rockin' Dickie Eve

In honor of today's holiday, I give you the single greatest moment in the history of New Year's Eve-themed television show episodes - The Routine. David, we should learn this. I bet we could get Honorable Mention in the Brother/Sister Dance Category!

King Kong

So for Christmas this year, much fun was had by all. From my family, I got new curtains for my bedroom (because, after having lived in that house for four and a half years, I figured it might be time to put up curtains; pictures to follow once I iron and hang them), a Wii Fit, a pretty necklace, and lots of other lovely gifts. But no gift on Christmas morning was as beloved as this one received by Pants and Holly.

For those unfamiliar with canine paraphernalia, a Kong is a toy into which a dog treat is inserted. The dog then has to chew on the toy to get the treat to come out. Clearly, this was beneath Holly. She played with it for a few seconds, and then looked at us as if we had gone crazy. The Princess shoud not have to work for her food like this.

Pants, on the other hand, has fallen in love. This thing kept him busy and quiet for hours as his four little brain cells all united in a common goal - get food out of toy. Anyone who knows Pants knows what a challenge it is to get him to shut up in the hours leading up to dinnertime; this tiny toy has taken care of it. I have never seen him so quiet and so engrossed in something for so long. This, my friends, is what pure happiness looks like:

I Got A Lot Of Problems With You People!

In honor of today's holiday, I give you the following:



A happy Festivus to you all!

EAT ME! Hey, It's Thanksgiving Day!

It's about time that I discussed my Thanksgiving. Only three weeks late - not too bad!

So we went to my aunt's house in Pittsburgh, as we always do. This is the home of what my aunt makes me call my furry cousins, also known as her four dogs. They are rather entertaining.

This is Grete, my favorite. I call her Favorite. My aunt once heard me do this and told me to stop calling her that. I suppose she thought the others would get jealous.

Grete is a special one. She's afraid of lots of things - wind, plastic bags, being hugged, large suitcases, etc. But she's never vicious - when she gets scared, she freezes, then bolts away to find a Happy Place. This is Grete hiding in the sewing room because she was afraid of my hair dryer:

Next we have Molly. Molly is a black lab/chow mix. She has a speckled tongue (not pictured). I call her The Tick because she is rather bulbous for her diminutive stature, and resembles a tick that is satiated. She is very quiet, but is clearly in charge. Here, she guards a rawhide chewy from the rest of the menagerie.

Lily is the golden retriever/yellow lab mix. She is very boisterous, and goes by the alias Silly. She has a black spot underneath her nose that looks like a mustache, and is also sometimes known as Hitler for this reason.

The fourth dog is named Kiley. Her real name is Ruby, though - she was a stray. According to my aunt's vet, she had been abused; however, this does not stop us from referring to her as Hot Dog or some variation implying that she had been stolen. KiRubLey doesn't do much. She pretty much just sits on the couch and glares at people who make her move with an "if I could feed myself, I would kill you in your sleep" look.

However, the canine roster does not stop there. On this particular holiday, they were dogsitting for the neighbor's horse--I mean, chocolate lab. I get them confused. As would you, if you met Hunter:

Hunter is very large, but very sweet. His tail is a lethal weapon, and we spent much of the visit rescuing drinks off of the coffee table before they met their demise at his hand (well, at his tail). Hunter is very easy to please, though - all he needs is a ball, which he will guard with his life until someone is ready to throw it for him.

Contrary to popular belief, we did not spend the whole visit being covered in dog hair. We also visited downtown Pittsburgh for dinner at the William Penn hotel on Thanksgiving, where my great-grandfather used to work.

The lobby and dining room were lovely, and the Thanksgiving meal was very good. Although half of the fun was seeing the expressions on the faces of children at neighboring tables when presented with the first course - pea soup. Actually, the rather closely resembled the expressions on the faces of some of my dining companions as well. The lobby is seen here in a photo I stole from the Internets.

After dinner, we wandered around downtown Pittsburgh for awhile, visiting many local landmarks, including the Kaufmann's clock (which just made me miss Kaufmann's and Hecht's):

We also visited the Frick Building, named for Andrew Clay Frick, a Pittsburgher who was, according to Wikipedia, an "industrial coke producer." It goes on to clarify that "coke" is something made from coals, not a cola or an illicit drug favored by Wall Street professionals of the 1980s. Although the story would be much better if it was. Anyway, apparently I say this guy's name occasionally, so my dad thought this would be a funny picture:

The next night, we went to see Spamalot at a theater downtown. A very nice theater, in fact. So nice, that one would expect theatergoers to dress up for the occasion. This is not always the case. While the vast majority of audience members were wearing suits, jackets, nice dresses/skirts/dress pants, etc., a number of people seemed to think that a Steeler jersey would elevate their ensembles to a level of formality that is appropriate for this venue. Sometimes paired with khakis, sometimes paired with jeans, and always paired with decorum, a Steeler jersey is western Pennsylvania's equivalent to the tuxedo. I only wish I had brought one...but alas, I was stuck wearing a skirt, sweater, pantyhose, and heels.

Speaking of formal wear...I shall close this entry with the awesomeness that is my brother's new sunglasses. David "swiped these off some chick at an 80's party." I feel like Fallon Carrington Colby (accent on the Carrington!) would wear these during a day spent lying by the pool. He now has two pairs, but is far too mean to let his sister wear one, even though I told him it could be our parents' Christmas card photo this year.

I hope everyone had a splendid Thanksgiving of their own! Next up - Christmas! (Although at the rate I'm going, that'll get posted somewhere around Mary's birthday.)

The Frog That Would Not End

As many of you know, my mother has a frog that she likes better than either my brother or myself. Niki and Jeni gave David a Grow-A-Frog kit as a 10th birthday gift, and it's still alive and kicking. It's cannibalistic, has been down the garbage disposal, spent a week in a tank with a dead frog, David didn't feed it for months at a time, and yet the damn thing still persists in living. I swear, when the End of Days comes, it'll just be cockroaches and this thing left.

And now, I have evidence that may perpetuate that belief: http://www.spidercox.co.uk/xenopusfrog.htm

If this thing lives to be 30 years old, I'm suing the Grow-a-Frog company.

Holy Picture Choosing, Batman!

So, in all of my brilliance this weekend, I decided to hang a couple of tiny, decorative shelves in my living room to the left of the couch. This did not prove to be a good idea - between my inability to hang anything like that in a straight line, and the fact that the shelves were tiny and dwarfed by the giant picture that hung next to them, and also was in a frame that didn't match nearly as well as I had hoped, it just didn't end well. So I took the wretched things down, and they are now in a bag in the kitchen. However, in order to hang one, I had to make two giant holes in my wall for the screw brackets. This was not a wise decision. So, internet, I prevail upon thee to aid me in my decision of what to do with the holes in my wall. I will likely be filling them in with spackle and repainting them whenever I get around to repainting that wall; however, at the rate I go with painting, that will be...oh, about a quarter to never. So...


Option 1: Leave them there uncovered. Ew.


Option 2: Cover them with tiny framed pictures that have hanging-type things on the back. This is my current method of hole-covering, as I didn't have to make new holes or buy anything new to make it happen. The wall currently looks like this:



A close-up of the two pictures, chosen mainly for their frame color:
Option 2a: Leave the wall like this. Might be kind of odd, though, as the pictures are kind of tiny next to the bigger print.

Option 2b: Add more pictures. This could be problematic, though - I bought both of these frames over a year ago, and probably couldn't find matching ones to add. I could add some others from around the house, thus making more of a mosaic effect of frames, but that would involve lots more holes.


Option 3: Move this picture from over the DVD shelves across the room, and hang it so that it covers the holes. This might be OK - and the two large prints will create more of a balance that will detract from the fact that the couch isn't centered on the wall. Also, they're both Hood prints, so that would be thematic. However, I'd have to put more holes in the wall, both for this picture and when I move the other one so they're centered. Also, the green with which this print is matted does not match the green of the print that is currently on the wall, nor does it match the slipcover on the couch. Hard to tell from the picture, but if you've been in my living room, you know what I mean.

Option 4: Buy a frame for this poster that coordinates with the frame on the print that is already on the wall. Hang this one so that it covers the holes. This print has colors that match the room very well, and wouldn't need to be matted or custom framed or anything. I should be able to get a frame for 30 or 40 bucks at Michael's. The only problem is that then I have to buy said frame (although I was going to have to do so eventually anyway). And again, I would also have to put more holes in the wall and move the other picture so they're both centered.

Option 5: Buy another French memo board like this one and hang it sideways. This is a viable option, and likely cheaper than a new frame for the White House picture. However, it may well look uneven in size with the picture that is already there. There is also the matter of color - a green one like this would probably be too much green along that wall. I was thinking cream, if I went with this option.

There is also the danger of the thing getting so covered with pictures that you can't tell what's underneath. Case in point - the two red ones around the closet door. The vast majority of you who are reading this blog are represented on this thing - and if you're not, then I clearly need to take more pictures with you! Bonus points if you find yourself (or your spawn or pet) in one of the pictures.
Option 6: Hang my brother's photography. For instance, the cherry blossom pictures from a few seasons ago. This could work, except I'd have to reframe them if I used these three - the frames are far too light and cheap-looking to hang next to the one that's there. An alternative would be for David to take more pictures for me. Get on that, Dave. You can go to Hood this spring and make that happen. Oh, and if I move these, I'll have to get a replacement picture to hang in their place in the second floor hallway.

Option 7: I cover the holes - and the rest of the wall - with pictures of cool people emulating the Dudez-a-Plenti:

and Olive from Little Miss Sunshine. If this choice wins, you all will be recruited to model.

So, thoughts? Discuss amongst yourselves. Gold star for whoever's idea wins!

'Cause I Never Felt the Desire, 'Til Their Music Set Me On Fire

This article is the greatest thing I've ever read.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/23/AR2008102303330.html?hpid=opinionsbox1

I think my favorite part is when he says, "I was wondering why you guys wanted me here. I'm not going to get up on a soapbox here. I am a piano player."

Why Debate Politics When You Can Make Fun Of People's Clothes?

Sometimes I wonder if Cindy McCain and Michelle Obama call each other before each public outing that they attend, just to see what the other is wearing.

"Hey, Michelle, this first debate looks like it'll be pretty casual. What do you think?"
"Yeah, Cindy, I agree. I was thinking floral. Something bright and friendly that will bridge the gap between summer and fall fashion, since it is still September."
"I agree, Michelle. Good plan! I think I will go with a pants suit. Still professional, but not as dressy as a skirt suit. Remember, we have to make sure we have room to move up on the scale of formality as the campaigns progress!"
"Good idea, Cindy. Make sure you wear a bright color - you wouldn't want to get lost on that stage!"
"All taken care of, Michelle."

And thus, their outfits for the first debate were planned:

Clearly, they'd have to mix things up a bit for the next debate.

"Cindy! Did you see the pictures? We looked FABULOUS!"
"Indeed we did, Michelle. So, what were you thinking about for the next event?"
"Well, I'm not sure...it's getting to be fall, so I think florals might be a bit out of place. Plus, I think we should be a bit dressier this time. We want to look like First Ladies, not someone at their husband's office picnic, making nice with the boss's wife."
"Agreed. I think I shall go with a skirt suit this time."
"An excellent plan. What color were---"
"Dibs on blue!"
"DAMMIT. That means that I have to wear red, since any self-respecting political wife wouldn't be caught dead in a color that isn't on the flag. I bet the stupid carpet will be red, too. I'm going to blend in and no one will be able to see me!"
"Sucks to be you. Should've jumped in faster."
"Yeah, I know. I'll get you next time."

Then, the third debate last night:

"OMG, Michelle, did you see how awesome those pictures turned out from the last debate? That is so my new Facebook picture."
"For you, maybe...I look like part of the rug! I totally call dibs on blue this time."
"Fine by me. You know we can't wear the same color to two events in a row, especially if our outfits look the same."
"Correct you are. Unfortunately, I only have one style of dress."
"Yeah, I have the same problem. I know, I'll dress up my suit with giant gold buttons! My husband was in the Navy, so it'll just look like I'm supporting his military history by dressing like a sailor!"
"That doesn't make any sense, but whatever floats your boat. Get it? Boat? Because he was in the Navy?"

And thus, we have last night's wardrobe. Unfortunately, no one thought to warn Michelle Obama that the background was blue, so she met the same fate she had in Nashville. Luckily, most people were blinded by Sailor Cindy's bling, so no one noticed. Not that they could see her anyway.

All For Three Small Payments of $19.99!

So, today is one of those special federal holidays that no one has off from work except for government employees and contractors. Apparently no one cares about Columbus or Veterans except for the government. Works for me, though! Instead of spending my day studying, or doing some of the work that I brought home from last week because I'm currently two people's worth of work, I instead have been watching television and sorting through old papers that I've been meaning to file. A moderately productive set of activities - I watched the entire first disc of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (which was awesome, and I wish I'd gotten more than one disc from Netflix), and made a significant dent in the paper pile. However, when I ran out of It's Always Sunny, I started watching sitcom reruns on cable rather than any of the million DVDs I have. Let me just tell you, there are some interesting commercials that they play during the day. I've seen the following commercials for the following products and events multiple times:

-Bodily improvement products such as Bio-Oil and Hydroxycut
-Various types of laxatives and hemorrhoid creams
-Malpractice lawyers
-Cleaning products (but not normal ones...weird complicated things sold on infomercials)
-Syndicated game shows that I didn't even know had been resurrected
-Numerous different educational advancement institutions
-The switch to digital television signals this spring

Apparently everyone who watches TV on weekdays is unhappy with their body, has lower GI problems that possibly resulted from medical malpractice, and sits around in their filthy houses watching game shows rather than going to school. But they want to make sure that these people know that, come February 17th, they won't be able to watch TV anymore without cable.

On that note, I just found the episode of Full House where Uncle Jesse and Becky get married. Jesse decides he wants to go skydiving as a "last adventure," and ends up in jail in "Tomato Country." Hijinks ensue. I am going to go rot my brain watching that so I'm extra-productive when I finally sit down to do the work I brought home. Thank you, Christopher Columbus!

Goin' to the Chapel

A few weeks ago, Tricia and I went to Sara's wedding. I was a bit remiss in promptly blogging about the festivities; as Sara said, "I was a little upset you blogged about Billy Joel, but not my wedding :P" I promised her that I didn't not love her, but I had been waiting for their professional photographer to post the pictures she took online, so I could use them to supplement those that Tricia and I took. There's also a fuller set on Facebook, for anyone who has found their way there.

So, the wedding was at Sara and Josh's old church in Baltimore, which was lovely. Here is the beautiful bride walking down the aisle with her parents: And in the act of getting married. Isn't her dress pretty?
A pretty shot of the wedding party from the balcony of the church:
Yay, married!
After the ceremony, the bride and groom (or Mr. and Mrs. Lewis, as Sara has requested I call them) exited the church while their audience blew bubbles.
Next, they greeted the guests who had just blown them. Notice me with a camera in my hand...for a change.
The reception was held at the American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore:
There was a cocktail hour in the garden outside before the reception started. Yay for Hood girls!

The bride and groom arriving at the reception:
And cutting their pretty (and delicious) cake:
It's not a Hood wedding until you've made the bride sing the Nun Song...although now every time I see this picture it gets stuck in my head. Not that that's bad, but it's not exactly the best of songs to be singing around one's office.
There was also some dancing. Pretty, slow dancing:
And other types of dancing too....

There are plenty more dancing pictures on Facebook and my Webshots page (which, if you don't know how to get there, chances are, I don't want you seeing them.)

After the reception, many of the guests gathered in the bar at the hotel to socialize with the new Mr. and Mrs. Lewis. You know it's a party when this happens:

However, we were all very tired, no one more so than the bride:

And now it's time to harass the happy couple for honeymoon pictures!

We Spend Our Nights So Bon Vivant

So as you all probably know, Taryn returned from Spain this weekend, and came to Frederick to fetch McKenna. It was quite the event, getting to the airport to pick her up at the hotel where she spent Friday night. Apparently no one between Frederick and Chantilly thought it would be wise to drive the speed limit. Nothing infuriates me more than people who bedeck their cars in Nascar-themed paraphernalia, only to drive 5 miles under the speed limit on a one-lane road. But I finally made it (a whole half an hour later than expected), and we went to lunch at a rather special little restaurant called The King's Bite. I'm sure she will describe this place in detail on her blog, but basically, it was a tiny takeout place recommended by a cab driver that morning, which reminded us of Babu's Dream Cafe on Seinfeld. After lunch, we returned to Frederick, where McKenna about had a heart attack from glee at seeing her mother. After relaxing for awhile, we went to the cheap theater to see Mamma Mia for...let's say, not the first time. It gets no less awesome the more you see it, particularly the end. And we've seen it enough to know. My goal is to see it at least once more before it leaves theaters - anyone interested?

On Sunday, we were joined by Tricia to go to a concert in Baltimore. This concert was quite the event. Last week, Sara had sent me a link to the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra's site for their performance of Billy Joel music, along with Michael Cavanaugh, the kickass singer who was in Movin' Out on Broadway and strangely resembles Luke Russert when you see him up close. Sara is Favorite Person of Last Week for sendng this. I don't know if it was some type of special discount that was just in the link she sent, or if I didn't know that you could do this, but we were able to get tickets for just $20 apiece. Yay, cheap tickets!

The concert was at the Meyerhoff Symphony Hall in Baltimore, a lovely venue. However, you might not realize this judging by the number of people who thought jeans were appropriate attire for the symphony. Also popular were boldly patterned jackets, knee-high boots (which seemed to cause the wearers to clomp around like Clydesdales), and/or musically-themed ties (although, sadly, no piano key neckties. Mugatu would be sad), although luckily not all on the same person. All in all, a veritable wonderland of poor fashion choices.

Once we were seated, we began to notice the great number of elderly people. Apparently a nearby retirement center provides transportation for their residents to attend the symphony. Taryn likened it to the scene in The Producers where Max Bialystock goes to Little Old Lady Land and they're all dancing with their walkers. However, no one thought to warn these people that the day's program consisted of 70's and 80's pop music, presented by not only the orchestra, but also a very exuberant young man who frequently referred to his audience as "you guys," and often requested for them to clap or snap along with his songs. Not at all unusual for the musical selections, but clearly, it rattled some of the audience members. More than one person got up during the show to sit in the lobby, or perhaps leave, which was sad, because it was all kinds of awesome. Others sat there like stones when poor Michael Cavanaugh would try to encourage audience participation, including the person sitting next to Taryn, who left at intermission. This gentleman, who greatly resembled Howie Long of the era when he did commercials with Teri Hatcher, would fall in the category of "people wearing symphonic neckties." Clearly, the tie did nothing to encourage his enjoyment of this particular music. Honestly, I don't understand what these people expected of a concert that was advertised as being "The Music of Billy Joel," and featuring a vocalist! I understand that perhaps the elderly people were not familiar with it, particularly if the information was not passed along by whoever at the retirement home had organized the symphony activity, but a number of these people were of an age that they should recognize Billy Joel, and know if it is something that they would be interested in.

As for the concert itself - on the whole, it was very well done, and an interesting take on Joel's music. It was nice of them to include some of his classical pieces in addition to his more common works, and the orchestration added a great new dimension to some of the songs (although not all...there is no reason whatsoever to mess with the beginning of Angry Young Man. None.). Definitely worth the ticket price, if not more. I would highly encourage attendance if you ever get a chance! Just don't follow the kind of directions that Taryn's GPS gave us on the way out of the city...it seemed to have no problem with driving us into a traffic jam in an unfavorable area of Baltimore in an effort to get back to 95. Luckily, and to paraphrase Billy Joel, "[we] made it home alive, though you said that only proves that [the GPS is] insane."

Oh, and, as usual, bonus points to whoever guesses the song that the title lyric came from, without cheating. Yay contest!

And I Think Global Warming Is Just God Huggin' Us Closer

This is what McKenna thought about the vice presidential debate on Thursday. Clearly, not a fan:

Get On the Bus, Gus

So group swim lessons started this week. It has been Eventful already. Thunder and lightning cancelled the first two lessons last night (although I still had to sit there in the overcrowded office, and I ended up having to teach the third one, which will really suck when it gets to the last few weeks and I have to give cookies to one class, and do a makeup day for the other two).

Then this evening, as I was walking from the outdoor pool (where I was searching for a beach ball) to the indoor pool where my lessons were to be held, I noticed a very large bus carrying another school's volleyball team. Said bus was trying to park on the grass outside of the gym, and wasn't doing such a good job with it. I hear a loud crash, and look up to see the thing backing into a sign. I laughed really hard. Sign is pictured, as photographed from the window of my car on the way out. Still standing, but definitely a little...crooked. And the funniest thing I've seen all evening.

What's With The Lamp?

Does this commercial remind you of anyone you know?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2K4qlyaJu8

I guess I have to get her one of those lamps for Christmas now...let's just hope she puts it in her office and not the house...

Fun Times at Aunt Leah's House

As many of you know, McKenna is staying with me for a month while her mother is in Spain. While Aunt Leah's house doesn't have a big open yard for her to run in, and Aunt Leah often is gone for long stretches of time because of work and swim lessons and cool people's weddings, it does have one fun thing - the teaching of new tricks by Aunt Leah and Aunt Kathy!

Are You Going to Scarborough Fair?

Last weekend, Kathy and I put on our cowboy boots, large belt buckles, and teased our hair up to heaven and went to a very special place known as the Great Frederick Fair. Of course, no visit to the fair is complete without paying homage to Larry's pole in the Carroll Creek parking garage. Sadly, they have since replaced the stationary cement pole with these wussy flexible plastic things. Just not the same, but we visit nonetheless.
After our ritual, we began the trek along the creek to the fair.
There are many special sights to see at the fair. For instance, there were these redundant signs posted throughout the fairgrounds. Last time I checked, the "M" in "ATM" stood for "machine." I was very interested to see what an automatic teller machine machine was - I thought it might be like the two-headed lady at the freak show - but sadly, it looked just like a regular ATM.

Next, we got dinner. We were lucky enough to find a place that sold everything we wanted. Quite an accomplishment, given that Kathy wanted funnel cake and I wanted pit beef.
Kathy's mediocre funnel cake.

My pit beef and fries. The fries were fine, the pit beef tasted like fire. The fries were the envy of the little girl at the other end of the table, who kept asking her mother why they didn't have fries, and when she could go get fries, and then she'd stare at mine. Good times.
There is much to see and do at the fair. For instance, you can buy what appears to be airbrushed cowboy hats. Notice how the people who appear to be running the table are not wearing them. Clearly they know how stupid they would look, and just want to inflict this upon others.
We also saw a place that sold Crabby Pattys. I took a picture of this in case any of my work peeps make their way here; I knew they would be entertained by it. The rest of you, carry on to the next picture. Unless you are Taryn, because it is of a bird.
Next, we went to the building where the caged animals are. Sadly, there was no sign pointing out the best cock at the fair, as someone had helpfully done a few years ago when we were there, but this fellow here looked pretty good.
We also found antique tractors. Kathy wouldn't get up on one, but she did stand with this one here. Look at her pretty new coat, too! (You will see here that I was indeed kidding earlier when I described our fair attire).

Next, we went to the barns where the larger animals live. I wanted to take this baby pig home. He reminded me of Rusty, very focused on finding food.
We also saw some alpacas, which always make me think of the episode of Arrested Development when G.O.B. called Stan Sitwell an alpaca instead of saying that he had alopecia.
There was also a very nicely matched set of goats.
And a naked sheep. He looked a lot like the sheep who were outside being shorn, and also pooing. Let me tell you, I saw a lot of children at that fair, and none were so excited as the little boy we saw who was walking past the sheep being shorn, because he saw one of them pooing. "Look, dad! Poop! It's POOPING!" To be fair, I have the maturity of a seven year old and also found it entertaining, but the joy in this kid's voice was incomparable.
Next we went to the pig barn. There, we saw a pig sleeping with his face in another pig's rear end.

And also a pig who must really like the taste of bacon, because he was licking his friend.
We also saw a number of cows, who were located very far from where I had eaten pit beef earlier in the evening.
After our fill of Farm Land, we decided to head back to the car. On our way out, we saw many scary spinning rides of death. Now, I have no problems with lovely roller coasters and teacups and whatever at amusement parks. However, they are cemented in the ground. Portable rides like this frighten me to no end.
After wading through the crowds of scantily clad, ill-smelling people, we walked along the creek to get back to the car. It was a bit bug-infested, though, hence my makeshift face mask to prevent the gnats from flying in my mouth.
All will be happy to know that we made it back to the car successfully, and went home and showered the lovely fair smells off of ourselves, having filled our need for livestock, creepy people, and disgusting food for another year.