Are You Going to Scarborough Fair?
Last weekend, Kathy and I put on our cowboy boots, large belt buckles, and teased our hair up to heaven and went to a very special place known as the Great Frederick Fair. Of course, no visit to the fair is complete without paying homage to Larry's pole in the Carroll Creek parking garage. Sadly, they have since replaced the stationary cement pole with these wussy flexible plastic things. Just not the same, but we visit nonetheless.
After our ritual, we began the trek along the creek to the fair.
There are many special sights to see at the fair. For instance, there were these redundant signs posted throughout the fairgrounds. Last time I checked, the "M" in "ATM" stood for "machine." I was very interested to see what an automatic teller machine machine was - I thought it might be like the two-headed lady at the freak show - but sadly, it looked just like a regular ATM.
Next, we got dinner. We were lucky enough to find a place that sold everything we wanted. Quite an accomplishment, given that Kathy wanted funnel cake and I wanted pit beef.
Kathy's mediocre funnel cake.
My pit beef and fries. The fries were fine, the pit beef tasted like fire. The fries were the envy of the little girl at the other end of the table, who kept asking her mother why they didn't have fries, and when she could go get fries, and then she'd stare at mine. Good times.
There is much to see and do at the fair. For instance, you can buy what appears to be airbrushed cowboy hats. Notice how the people who appear to be running the table are not wearing them. Clearly they know how stupid they would look, and just want to inflict this upon others.
We also saw a place that sold Crabby Pattys. I took a picture of this in case any of my work peeps make their way here; I knew they would be entertained by it. The rest of you, carry on to the next picture. Unless you are Taryn, because it is of a bird.
Next, we went to the building where the caged animals are. Sadly, there was no sign pointing out the best cock at the fair, as someone had helpfully done a few years ago when we were there, but this fellow here looked pretty good.
We also found antique tractors. Kathy wouldn't get up on one, but she did stand with this one here. Look at her pretty new coat, too! (You will see here that I was indeed kidding earlier when I described our fair attire).
Next, we went to the barns where the larger animals live. I wanted to take this baby pig home. He reminded me of Rusty, very focused on finding food.
We also saw some alpacas, which always make me think of the episode of Arrested Development when G.O.B. called Stan Sitwell an alpaca instead of saying that he had alopecia.
There was also a very nicely matched set of goats.
And a naked sheep. He looked a lot like the sheep who were outside being shorn, and also pooing. Let me tell you, I saw a lot of children at that fair, and none were so excited as the little boy we saw who was walking past the sheep being shorn, because he saw one of them pooing. "Look, dad! Poop! It's POOPING!" To be fair, I have the maturity of a seven year old and also found it entertaining, but the joy in this kid's voice was incomparable.
Next we went to the pig barn. There, we saw a pig sleeping with his face in another pig's rear end.
And also a pig who must really like the taste of bacon, because he was licking his friend.
We also saw a number of cows, who were located very far from where I had eaten pit beef earlier in the evening.
After our fill of Farm Land, we decided to head back to the car. On our way out, we saw many scary spinning rides of death. Now, I have no problems with lovely roller coasters and teacups and whatever at amusement parks. However, they are cemented in the ground. Portable rides like this frighten me to no end.
After wading through the crowds of scantily clad, ill-smelling people, we walked along the creek to get back to the car. It was a bit bug-infested, though, hence my makeshift face mask to prevent the gnats from flying in my mouth.
All will be happy to know that we made it back to the car successfully, and went home and showered the lovely fair smells off of ourselves, having filled our need for livestock, creepy people, and disgusting food for another year.
After our ritual, we began the trek along the creek to the fair. 
There are many special sights to see at the fair. For instance, there were these redundant signs posted throughout the fairgrounds. Last time I checked, the "M" in "ATM" stood for "machine." I was very interested to see what an automatic teller machine machine was - I thought it might be like the two-headed lady at the freak show - but sadly, it looked just like a regular ATM. 
Next, we got dinner. We were lucky enough to find a place that sold everything we wanted. Quite an accomplishment, given that Kathy wanted funnel cake and I wanted pit beef.
Kathy's mediocre funnel cake.
My pit beef and fries. The fries were fine, the pit beef tasted like fire. The fries were the envy of the little girl at the other end of the table, who kept asking her mother why they didn't have fries, and when she could go get fries, and then she'd stare at mine. Good times.
There is much to see and do at the fair. For instance, you can buy what appears to be airbrushed cowboy hats. Notice how the people who appear to be running the table are not wearing them. Clearly they know how stupid they would look, and just want to inflict this upon others.
We also saw a place that sold Crabby Pattys. I took a picture of this in case any of my work peeps make their way here; I knew they would be entertained by it. The rest of you, carry on to the next picture. Unless you are Taryn, because it is of a bird.
Next, we went to the building where the caged animals are. Sadly, there was no sign pointing out the best cock at the fair, as someone had helpfully done a few years ago when we were there, but this fellow here looked pretty good. 
We also found antique tractors. Kathy wouldn't get up on one, but she did stand with this one here. Look at her pretty new coat, too! (You will see here that I was indeed kidding earlier when I described our fair attire).
Next, we went to the barns where the larger animals live. I wanted to take this baby pig home. He reminded me of Rusty, very focused on finding food.
We also saw some alpacas, which always make me think of the episode of Arrested Development when G.O.B. called Stan Sitwell an alpaca instead of saying that he had alopecia.
There was also a very nicely matched set of goats.
And a naked sheep. He looked a lot like the sheep who were outside being shorn, and also pooing. Let me tell you, I saw a lot of children at that fair, and none were so excited as the little boy we saw who was walking past the sheep being shorn, because he saw one of them pooing. "Look, dad! Poop! It's POOPING!" To be fair, I have the maturity of a seven year old and also found it entertaining, but the joy in this kid's voice was incomparable.
Next we went to the pig barn. There, we saw a pig sleeping with his face in another pig's rear end.
And also a pig who must really like the taste of bacon, because he was licking his friend.
We also saw a number of cows, who were located very far from where I had eaten pit beef earlier in the evening.
After our fill of Farm Land, we decided to head back to the car. On our way out, we saw many scary spinning rides of death. Now, I have no problems with lovely roller coasters and teacups and whatever at amusement parks. However, they are cemented in the ground. Portable rides like this frighten me to no end. 
After wading through the crowds of scantily clad, ill-smelling people, we walked along the creek to get back to the car. It was a bit bug-infested, though, hence my makeshift face mask to prevent the gnats from flying in my mouth.
All will be happy to know that we made it back to the car successfully, and went home and showered the lovely fair smells off of ourselves, having filled our need for livestock, creepy people, and disgusting food for another year.
3 comments:
Greetings from Barcelona, where everyone here must work at fairs, judging by the smell. Sorry I missed going to the fair this year--did you get yardsticks?
We are in the midst of "Barcelona's biggest all-out demonstration of debauchery," which we are sure is way worse than the Frederick County Fair ;-)
You should come visit me in VA, there are random giant cock statues all over. Including one on the way to camp. They area always roosters too, not hens, I don't understand this strange native tradition.
Taryn, judging by Sarah's comment, maybe you should avoid Virginia. Are we talking, like, permanent statues, or like the Party Animals and the pandas in DC that I could drag you around to take pictures of?
And sadly, no yardsticks this year...although we didn't look too hard, because the building where they usually gave them away was super crowded, and did not smell good. But luckily it was just the two of us, so we didn't get too lost like we used to with big groups. The fair makes me miss Hood!
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