The #1 Rule of Swim Lessons

I have a sneaking suspicion that one of my swim lesson kids is not using the toilet when he needs to. He is a very nice kid, and doing really well so far, and his parents are not at all (except for this story) crazy. I like them a lot. But at some point during almost every private lesson I've taught for this kid this summer, he says, "Miss Leah, I need to go pee." As I usually do with kids who say that, I try to distract him and say, "OK, you can go right after we do X activity or skill." By the time we've done that, they've usually forgotten their need to go. Works well, has for years. But this kid is different. Whenever I try that line on him, he says, "No, I need to go real bad! Right now!" and won't give up. So I relent, and let him go to the bathroom. I have been peed on by kids in swim lessons before, and I would not like for it to happen again.

Except he doesn't go to the bathroom. He runs over to his parents, stands there for a few minutes with water dripping off of his suit, trying to put on his shoes to go to the bathroom, and then turns and runs back to me. The first time or two that this happened, I thought that the parents had just told him to get back in the pool, as my mother would have done to me. But today the mom made some comment about "not making it," which makes me think that he is not, in fact, being talked back into the pool, but rather, that he is peeing on the deck through his suit. I have no way of confirming this, and I'm sure as hell not going to ask, but yeah. I think that's what's happening. And I am none too happy about it. As I'm sure the lifeguards will be if any of them read this **waves to lifeguards who found their way here from Facebook**. I try to console myself with the thought that he's not doing it in the pool, so there's that, and also that rain will come wash the deck soon enough. But all it does is reinforce in my mind that one should always wear shoes on the deck at my pool.

And YOU will be with Superman!

A brief follow-up to the previous story - I taught the same kid again last night. She apparently did not bring her listening ears, as I spent most of the time trying to get her to do someting, anything, close to what I wanted. And then she was mad because I told her we only had time to jump in once at the end of class (usually we jump twice), because she hadn't listened. She did impart upon me some very valuable words of wisdom, though:

Child M: You can get your children.
Miss Leah: M, I don't have any children.
M: No, when you get married.
L: What?
M: You can't get your children until you get married!

Given that last week I told her I was going to marry Superman, I wonder if she thought my children will have superpowers.

I just hope she remembers that advice in about 15 years.

A related story - I think I offended a parent last week. She asked what I did at my regular job, and I explained to her about clinical trials, drug testing, etc., and the first thing she said was "Do you do animal testing?" with obvious disapproval in her voice. I wasn't thinking, so I said, "No, we take the information from the animal testing and send it to the FDA." Which is true, but had I been more perceptive, I would've just said "No," which is also true. I, personally, do not do animal testing. Contract labs do our animal testing. But I don't think that that's the answer she was hoping for, especially given that she's good friends with another lesson parent who I know for a fact is a vegetarian. She didn't ask much else about what I do after that. But she did bring her kid back this week, so she couldn't have been too offended. Good times.

IDK, my BFF RJV?

So last night at the pool, my new BFF RJV (names and most identifying details omitted, but chances are you can figure out who I'm talking about) drove by the pool to say hello to me. I was in the pool, teaching a lesson to this kid who doesn't listen to a word I say, and I hear this, "Hey, Leah!" from the direction of the street between the pool and the gym. I look up, and it's him, waving from inside his car. What he was doing driving by the pool and the gym, I'll never know. (Actually, I had told him my schedule when he e-mailed me to tell me that he had been investigating The Matter I cornered him about at Reunion Weekend, so it wasn't a total surprise).

But anyway, he definitely tried to strike up a conversation with me while I was teaching. He was mostly asking about the class I'm taking, when it was, who was teaching it, etc. I'm assuming this was so he could stop by there, because he said he had learned things about The Matter that he wanted to explain to me. But while I'm talking to him - from in the pool - the kid has climbed out, is jumping in, splashing me, etc., and the mom is looking at me like I've gone crazy. I finally grabbed the kid and made her stop jumping, and I made her wave to him, and of course she wanted to know who he was, so I told her he was a very important person who worked for the school. Which he then rebuts by saying that he's not important at all, he's just a regular guy. Because THAT makes the fact that I interrupted my entire lesson to talk to a random guy in a car driving by look so much better. I did explain to the mom when we got out that I don't generally interrupt lessons to talk to strangers, and who he was, and she understood and was fine with it (she is not one of the standard obnoxious parents that I complain about). And I am very pleased that RJV remembered me enough to actually investigate The Matter I mentioned at Reunion Weekend. But yeah...I felt like an idiot. And I'm fairly disappointed that he didn't tell me to "stay cool" again.

On a related note, the following conversation took place during that same lesson, when I was trying to get the kid (who is notorious for not listening and talking her way out of doing things) to do a front glide or, as I call it, fly like Superman. I tell them that Superman is my friend, and he taught me to fly, so they want to learn to fly too.:

Miss Leah: OK, let's fly like Superman now.
Child M: Is Superman your friend?
L: Yes. Let's practice now.
M: Are you going to marry him?
L: Yes. Let's practice now.
M: Why aren't you married to him now?
L: Because he's off fighting crime. Let's practice now.
M: Oh. Why is he fighting crime?
L: Because there are bad guys. Let's practice now.
M: When are you getting married?
L: Tomorrow. Let's practice now.
M: Oh. Will he be done fighting crime then?
L: Yes. Let's practice now.

And then she finally did what I wanted her to do, only to be interrupted by RJV a few minutes later. Good times.

Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?

Because I am a big copycat, I have decided to follow in the footsteps of Mary and Taryn and start a blog. As they are much more exciting than I am, with their spawn and their Rat Zapper 3000, I am sure their blogs will prove to be much more entertaining. But blog I shall, nonetheless. Given that I spend much of my spare time at the aquatics facility of my esteemed alma mater, I'm sure swim lesson stories will be plentiful. Goes well with the blog name :-)

Today's installment is about the weather, with a bit of everything thrown in. Now, I have very little patience left for this ridiculous weather. I spent the weekend at a wedding, the reception for which was held in a hotel that had mediocre air conditioning. My room was all right, but apparently the bride's parents' suite, in which all of the children were being babysat, had no air conditioning whatsoever. Not a good time. (Disclaimer - other than the heat, and one other tiny problem, the wedding was freaking fantastic. Pictures'll be on Facebook eventually. My mother did the polka with the bride's grandfather.) So yes, am losing patience with the heat. But I am also losing patience with people who are cancelling things because of the heat!

Incident #1:

We were to have a retreat for our group at work tomorrow. It was rescheduled (for the second time - last time was rain) because of the heat. Now, this is slightly understandable - no one wants to be outside all afternoon in the heat. But I have a ton of cookies and watermelon now that were to go to the retreat tomorrow that will not last until the new date, which is at the end of June. People in Frederick - want some cookies and/or watermelon?

Incident #2:

A swim lesson parent called me this afternoon at work. Now, today was crazy busy. The Party Planning Committee (don't ask) hosted Diversity Day (again, don't ask), which took up a good bit of my time. I have a gigantic project that needs to be done, like, yesterday. And it was Monday, so I had tons of people procrastinating their work to talk to me (like I usually do on Mondays too). I had very little time for swim lesson parent stupidity. So this lady calls me and wants to cancel because of the heat. She doesn't want to go to a swimming pool. With cold water. That she can get in. And there are umbrellas. And water fountains. And, hell, an air conditioned indoor baby pool in which she has no problem letting her other kid run amok all last summer! No one else had a problem with the heat. And by no one else, I mean the two other parents whose kids had lessons tonight, both of whom have newborn babies that they brought along. Arrrggh. I rescheduled her for Wednesday (which, if I had realized why she was bailing at the beginning of the conversation, I would've made her wait a week), so I'm sure more stories will follow after that.

So, first one. I promise they won't all be me complaining about stuff. Well, they probably will. But maybe the next one will have pictures.

OK, maybe this one will too. This is my mom doing the polka with the grandfather of the bride. Because it's cute and it makes me happy.