As promised, I have returned, with glorious stories and pictures! All of the pictures are going to be posted on my Webshots page (if I've never sent you the link, or you haven't found it on Facebook, I guess you're just not cool enough to see them). For ease of navigation and reading, I'm going to write about the days of my journey in reverse order. Anyone who checks daily (all two of you) will be going backwards, but once I've talked about each day, they'll be in order from the top of the blog. If that makes any sense...it's very early in the morning in Hawaiian time, with which I'm functioning. So yes...the trip home. After arriving at the airport, 
we went through the agricultural inspection station to make sure we weren't smuggling any geckos home with us. Not that I didn't want to try. I like geckos. And I bet they'd eat the ants that were in my house before I left.
Next, we checked our luggage. This is Tricia and Katy at the first class baggage check in place, which took longer than mine. So I stood around taking pictures of them.
From there, we went to security. No pictures of that part, but there are stories. Apparently the TSA regulations have changed since I flew to New Hampshire in May, at which time you were allowed to take on a pocket knife or similar item that had a blade of less than three inches. This is not the case anymore, as I learned when trying to bring back a corkscrew that apparently had a foil cutter on it. Fun fun.
So after angering the security people, we went to the Presidents' Lounge, which Tricia and Katy could get me into because they had first class tickets. Yay for free alcohol and food! Which reminds me...I think there is still food that I took out of there in my carry on bag. That can't be good. We also got to watch the Olympics in there, although because of the time difference, it was just random afternoon stuff, rather than the swimming and gymnastics that was being aired live on the east coast.
Their flight was a good three hours before mine, so after we left the Presidents' Lounge, I followed them to their gate, where I was met with a less-than-helpful airport employee who was very pessimistic about my chances of getting on to their flight. The flight was full, which I knew, but she refused to take my name in case there were missing passengers. This annoyed me, but I figured she was probably right. I learned later that there were indeed empty seats, and that they were even doing a head count of passengers to see if there was room for standby people. Grrrrrrrr. I was equally annoyed by the fact that she shooed me away and wouldn't even let me sit in the gate area with Tricia and Katy.
So I started doing laps around the airport. The Honolulu airport is super cool, with big outside spaces, and statues and plaques and things. Including this one about James Michener, which I took a picture of. 
After wandering the airport endlessly, I located a nearby restaurant, where I paid $13 for a minuscule Caesar salad, and scared the waitress by asking her why they had a Maryland crab cake sandwich on the menu in Hawaii. Next, I found my gate and sat there reading (http://www.amazon.com/Survival-Sickest-Medical-Maverick-Discovers/dp/B0013L2E2M/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218806775&sr=8-1) for two hours until the flight boarded. Stupid overnight flight - I am very bad at sleeping on planes, so I got maybe two hours of sleep during the whole thing. And I also watched Made of Honor, which made me wish that I was asleep. I did use more of the free drink coupons Tricia's dad donated to me, though, so that was lovely. And I finished my book and started a new one (http://www.amazon.com/Escape-Carolyn-Jessop/dp/0767927567/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218807715&sr=1-1).
Upon arriving in Houston, I walked briskly to the next flight, which was scheduled to board 10 minutes after I landed. This flight was not as nice as the others - I sat next to a gentleman and his son, who was maybe two and a half years old. The man reminded me of Puddy on Seinfeld - he didn't look like him or anything, but the guy just sat there, staring into space. "Do you want a magazine or something?" "Nah, I'm good." "So you're just going to sit there, staring like that?" "Yeah, that's right." This would be annoying enough, but this guy apparently thought that his kid would want to do the same thing. He didn't bring (or at least get out) any toys for this kid, so the kid decided to entertain himself by 1. playing with the SkyMall catalog, and 2. screaming. Luckily, I had one free drink coupon left. If ever there's a reason for drinking at 9:30 in the morning, a screaming kid right near you on an airplane is it.
I finally arrived in Baltimore, where I was greeted by one, but not both, of my suitcases. Luckily, I had been smart enough to pack the stuff that I needed in my carry on bag, so I wasn't worried. And, when I went to the baggage claim office to tell them it was missing, I got to see a baby dachshund that had traveled there to his new home. I told the baggage claim lady that, if she wanted to trade, she could keep my suitcase if I could have the puppy. I think she thought I was kidding. I was not. The missing bag finally made its way home (albeit at 5:30 the next morning, which I learned when the delivery man got lost and called me for directions), as did I and the rest of my stuff. And now I am back at work, typing this. Not quite the same, sadly. But I do have pretty new toys, the remnants of a very vague tan and my standard freakish sunburn, and lots of pictures. And now I want Tricia to get a PhD so we can go again :-).
There's a gorgeous resort right on the bay.
While we were there, we did indeed see some sea turtles! Unfortunately, my underwater camera pictures didn't turn out, and while I think there is a good picture on Katy's camera, I don't have her pictures yet. So you'll have to settle for the other kind of sea life we saw, the mysterious Apricot Poodlefish.
We also visited a restroom in a McDonald's in Haleiwa that had some very strange rules about usage times:
Tricia and me waiting to board the boat. I got that pretty necklace at the Aloha Stadium swap meet. 
We were seated by a window, which was also right by the appetizer tray :-)
There was a spectacular view from the window. We saw a double rainbow over Honolulu,
Diamond Head,
and a gorgeous sunset over the Pacific.
The food was also fantastic. In addition to the appetizer table and the salad, we had lobster,
steak, 
and dessert. Taryn, note the polka dots!
There was also entertainment on the cruise, including the emcee, who looked very very much like Harry Belafonte:
At one point, he asked if anyone was having a birthday. Of course, Katy raised Mary's hand, and made her go up to the front of the room. Harry Belafonte then made her dance around with the Japanese tourists who were also having a birthday.
Note the Japanese tourist sitting at the table, wearing a baseball cap. His table got progressively louder and drunker as the evening wore on. The Japanese lady stading up with the birthday crowd was from his group, so I don't know if they were just in a very celebratory mood, or if they thought it would be fun to torture their friend by pretending it was her birthday. Not that we did that at all or anything.
Mary also made friends with some of the luau dancers. When it's your fake birthday, everyone wants to get their picture taken with you!
After the cruise, we went inside Aloha Tower, where they had this super cool fish-tiled wall. I decided I wanted to be a fish too.
And then we retired to the Barefoot Bar at the Hale Koa, where Mary practiced her cougar moves, and no one would do the chicken dance with us.
