Must See TV! a.k.a. California Dreamin', Days 1 and 2a

So as many of you know, I recently took a trip to Los Angeles. Taryn was attending a conference, and I joined her a day after so we could go sightseeing. Or, as we called it, celebrity and famous place stalking. I flew out Thursday morning, from Baltimore to Atlanta, and then from Atlanta to LA. If you are one of the very few people who didn't receive an exasperated text message - I hate the Atlanta airport, I hate short layovers, and I really hate the idiots at AirTran who thought it would be smart to schedule two flights on the same airline in completely different terminals so the 20-something people who were connecting from one to the other had to run furiously through the airport in order to make their next flight. Luckily I made it, but with very little time to spare. Stupid airport. Stupid AirTran.

So, I finally made it to LA and took a shuttle to the hotel, where Taryn had already checked in. For more details on the hotel and the first day of our visit (Thursday), please visit http://kenandmckenna.blogspot.com/2009/03/bette-davis-eyes-thursday-in-la.html, then return here for the first part of Day 2 (Friday).

So after dinner on Thursday evening, we retired fairly early so as to be well-rested for the busy Friday we had planned. We awoke bright and early, and headed to the hotel's breakfast buffet.

It was quite an interesting array of food…in addition to the “Fruity Tooties” shown above, there were also hard-boiled eggs (the surplus of which was stored in a plastic bag in a nearby mini-fridge), croissants, and my food of choice, toast. But it wasn’t just any toast – it was the magical flying kind of toast, set forth into the air by a turbo-powered toaster. Look how far my piece went – it’s like it was trying to make it to my plate!

After our nutritious, delicious, and not at all strange breakfast (ha!), we took off on the streets of Hollywood to get to the nearest Metro station, at Hollywood and Highland.

We rode the Metro to Universal City, at which point we called for a cab to take us to Burbank to visit the NBC Studios. When the cab arrived, our driver, Oscer, was quite the talker. He wanted to hear all about the NBC tour – apparently, he’d never heard of it, and was quite curious. He pointed out the Warner Brothers studio, which was right across the street from NBC and also had a tour, and we assured him we’d check it out. And most importantly, he told us the names of a few celebrities who lived near our route, including Bob Hope, who “lives over there.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but the last I checked, Bob Hope wasn’t “living” anywhere. But apparently if he did, it would be right near NBC Studios.
Finally, we arrived at NBC Studios, in the hopes of getting tickets to The Tonight Show and then securing a tour time. Unfortunately, it turned out that The Tonight Show was on hiatus that week (thanks a lot for putting that up on the site where you talk about tickets, NBC), and tour tickets didn’t go on sale until 9 a.m. (a half an hour after we arrived). So, we waited around in the waiting area of the gift shop, which was decorated with photographs of NBC celebrities in lovely ‘90s-esque outfits.

I also have a tendency to take pictures of random things while I’m waiting, including this, the NBC tampon machine (note the Peacock emblem):

Finally, we set out on our tour. Our group consisted of Connor the NBC Page, (who was super cute), a couple around our parents’ ages, and a couple who were probably in their mid-70s. Although not visible in the picture below, the older of the two women was wearing a gauze eyepatch over one of her eyes. This will be relevant later in the story.

We had quite an eventful tour, beginning with a video showing highlights of NBC’s history. I approved wholeheartedly of this video, as it featured Friday Night Lights on more than one instance. Sadly, though, American Dreams was not. Anyway, after the video ended, Connor laid out the ground rules, including not mobbing celebrities, not taking pictures, and warning him if he was about to run into something while walking backwards. Then, we took off into the soundstages, warehouses, and production areas for such shows as Days of our Lives, The Tonight Show, and Access Hollywood.

There were no celebrity-sightings, although there was one close call – Access Hollywood was filming that day, and I was worried that, of all the potential celebrities, we would see Billy Bush, who neither of us can stand. But luckily, we made it through that area and into the safety of The Tonight Show set without incident.

It was at this location that we bonded with Connor the NBC Page over our mutual love of Conan O’Brien, and united against the younger of the two other women on the tour. This woman asked Connor about the selection process for Leno’s replacement, and was adamant in her dislike of Conan. Clearly, the woman was crazy, as no sane person would feel this way about him.

Another memorable moment occurred when we left The Tonight Show’s set to look at a mural depicting the evolution of NBC’s logo. The current logo is, of course, a Peacock, and looks like this:

The small white part on the purple feather is the Peacock’s beak. Well, the woman with the eyepatch asked Connor why there was that white spot in the purple feather – was the paint chipped, or is it always like that? Connor explained that it was the bird’s beak, and likened it to a Magic Eye poster: “You know, one of those pictures where you cover one eye and then you can see it?” After he said that, he remembered that the lady was wearing an eyepatch, and spent the next few minutes tripping over his words: “Um…well…not you, right now, ma’am. But…um…everyone else.” We, of course, started laughing, and while we put forth a great deal of effort in hiding that fact from the poor lady, Connor saw us and was unable to make eye contact with either of us the rest of the time.

After the Peacock beak fiasco, we traveled down the hall to where they film Days of Our Lives. The elderly lady in our group had been a lifetime Days of Our Lives viewer, and was ecstatic to be there. Poor Connor had to stop her from trying to wander down the halls where the stars’ dressing rooms were. Two crew members were nice enough to stop and talk to her before Connor pried her away, though, so she did get to meet people who knew the stars.

After we dragged our tourmates away from the interiors of Salem, we went outside to the last part of our tour – Salem Place and the windows of University Hospital. We were finally allowed to take pictures, and I was pleased to get a decent one of the hospital where most everyone in Salem works.

After visiting Salem Place, we headed back inside to the gift shop, where overpriced merchandise was marketed to the unsuspecting members of our group.

All in all, this was a great tour – very inexpensive (even more so with a AAA discount!), and a good length – about an hour and 15 minutes. We made the mistake of going on a Friday when Leno wasn’t taping, but I’d expect that earlier in the week and/or later in the day, the chances of seeing a celebrity would be far greater. And Connor the NBC Page was a great tour guide (although I have a feeling that if it had just been us young people on the tour, we could’ve gotten him to tell us much cooler things than random Tonight Show and Days of Our Lives facts). If you have a spare 2 hours in LA and have any interest in television, I would highly recommend it!

***For the next installment, which will take us to Part 2 of Friday: Warner Brothers and Thom the Tour Guide, visit: http://leahgia.blogspot.com/2009/03/california-dreamin-day-2b.html***

Kids! What's The Matter With Kids These Days?

In the past week, I have spent an inordinate amount of time with young people, even for me. Luckily, I acquired quite a few new kid quotes and stories, which I am happy to share with you here.

Scene: Swim lessons last Saturday

Child A: Miss Leah! Miss Leah!

Miss Leah: Hi, A! What's up!

Child A (with great exuberance in his voice, the kind usually reserved for a new puppy): I got a Harley Davidson vest!

At a second grade classroom in which I was volunteering with the Elementary Outreach Program at my work. This was the same class where we had to take a kid's experiment away from him because he tried to drink soap.

Random 7 year old, upon surveying the visitors in his classroom: Aw, man! Why are all the scientists girls?

Wednesday night at swim lessons, there was a bit of a vomit accident in the pool, and we had to add chlorine, which came in the form of a yellow liquid.

Various students in the Level 3 class: Why are we getting out? Did someone pee in the pool? Did one of the babies pee in the pool? What's that? Is that a bucket of pee? EW!

Swim lessons on Saturday. I was informing the class that I wasn't going to be here next weekend (see The Adventures of Ken and McKenna for details).

Miss Leah: I have some very sad news for everyone! I won't be here next week, but I'll be back the week after that, which is a very exciting day! It's our last day, and on the last day, we have surprises!

Child A: What is it? Is it a gun?

Miss Leah: Um, no. It's something you can eat! You couldn't eat a gun, could you, silly?

Child A: Yes.

*And yes, that is Child A of the aforementioned vest. Strange that he's been so oddly quoteable - he's actually one of my favorite kids. Listens, doesn't bite me, parents aren't assholes, etc. Maybe that's why it's so strange when he says these things.

On a related note, I got to spend Saturday with one of the most well-behaved and photogenic children I've ever met. See The Smerks for more details.

Super Duper Bowl

So, as you all should know, the Steelers have won their 6th Super Bowl, and it was glorious. As you can imagine, my mother hosted a Super Bowl party to watch the game and celebrate the impending victory. We spent most of Sunday setting up the viewing area:

Included in the setup was this lovely crock pot which looked like it came straight out of Swingtown. Taryn, I wonder if anyone ever made Rosy Perfection Salad (http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html) in this...

While we were watching, we watched Puppy Bowl V on Animal Planet, which is one of the awesomest things I've ever seen. One particular highlight is shown at the Animal Planet website, http://animal.discovery.com/videos/puppy-bowl-v-streaker.html; unfortunately, it wouldn't let me embed the video here. But it is well worth the visit to the site.

Speaking of puppies, Rusty and Holly helped set up. They visited my mother's blow-up Ben Roethlisberger, who had come all the way home from her office to watch the game:

Holly also had a nice visit with the Steeler bear, which converts into a Steeler fabric-covered football that my mother often throws at people in the hallways in her office.

In addition to decorating the room, she also decorated herself:

Not every member of the family was so well dressed, though. David secured his place as her Least Favorite Child by showing up in this pretty outfit, which I believe was predominantly Eagles colors, and by sitting in a chair and nonchalantly watching the game.

Even getting hit in the head by a Terrible Towel couldn't make him excited for the game.

David had to leave about halfway through the game to return to his mansion and the party his harem was throwing there. My mother wanted to know why he was leaving, and asked if it was because the food there was better. Mrs. Beall and Mrs. Brake reminded him that the food didn't matter - clearly, the women at the other party couldn't possibly be any better than they were! Despite this fact, he left, and took his anti-Steeler thoughts with him.

Throughout the first quarter, my mother got very excited by the game, possibly using a small amount of profanity. Maura very helpfully translated some of her exclamations into more crowd-friendly terms. For instance, from now on, the phrase "shit shit shit!" is considered to be French for "Go Steelers!"

Somehow, we survived the first half of the game, and were rewarded with Bruce Springsteen being awesome. He's no Billy Joel, but he'll do. Maura and Margaret got more into the halftime show than I did:

After the halftime show, which appeared to make a giant mess on the field, the game commenced, and the chances of my mother having a coronary increased drastically as the score got closer. At one point, the Cardinals were down by four points. For some reason, my mother had moved across the room next to Mr. Beall, who tried to convince her that if the Cardinals' kicker did a somersault across the field before he kicked a field goal, they would earn four points instead of three, and the game would be tied. She did not think this was funny.

It was by this point in the game that Holly decided she was tired of football, and wanted to make her way around the furniture, wagging her tail at people and trying to get food.

She also tried to help Mr. Brake eat a cookie, but he was too smart to fall for her trickery.

It was at this point that the game started to very scary for Steeler fans. My uncle called repeatedly, and my mother put him on speakerphone until she realized that all he was doing was yelling something that Maura would translate to "Go Steelers."

As the Cardinals gained more points and then a slight lead, she got even more worried. Unable to watch the game, she instead discovered a new use for her Terrible Towel. Poor Mrs. Beall had to tell her what was going on in the last seconds of the game. Luckily, the Steelers scored the last touchdown of the game, edging ahead and winning. Yay! Everyone was very happy--if not for themselves, then at least for my mother and the fact that she did not, in fact, have a heart attack during the game.

Oh, and then there's this--the awesomest Super Bowl commercial with Conan O'Brien in it all night. Enjoy!

Doo Doo Da Doo!

In honor of tonight's glorious victory, brought about in no small part by one Troy Polamalu, I give you this video. Sure, it's three years old, but it is no less awesome.



On a related note, I will now have this song stuck in my head for the next two weeks. And that is fine with me. Go Stillers!

Thesis Topics

Earlier today, I had an e-mail conversation with Sarah, during which I asked her to write my thesis. Being ever so helpful, she has done so for me:

My name is Leah and my thesis is that puppies are cute.

I first came to this conclusion about 6 months ago while walking through the park eating some Rita's Italian Ice. There were many people and animals at this park, including some dogs and some puppies. It was noticed by myself and others that the puppies there seemed to be cute, but there was not enough data to come to a formal conclusion, so at that time I determined that there needed to be further testing.

My first test was to compare a puppy and a sandwich. A sample of 5 people (who all were out to lunch with me) compared the two and while it was generally agreed that the sandwich did have an appeal, it definitely could not be called "cute" especially in comparison to the puppy. Though once the puppy started eating the sandwich, the situation then became "cute."

This seemed to prove my thesis, but I needed one further test, so I obtained a larger group of people (7 this time) and had them compare a puppy and titanium spork. The group agreed that the spork, while infinitely cool, was not what they would deem "cute" and that the puppy was. There was one outlier, but they also kept trying to jam the spork into their eye, so their data was dismissed.

In conculsion, the theory of whether or not puppies are cute has been tested, and I feel proved, to be an accurate statement, and I hope that upon reading this thesis anyone who reads this feels the need to send me lots and lots of money, so I can take my friend Sarah out to get drunk on steak and alcohol. (....and buy purses)

Thank you for your time.


This should go over spectacularly when I present it to my advisor. On the bright side, it would be super easy to find visual aids to use in my presentation!

(On a related note, it appears I might have finally chosen a real thesis topic. I am withholding details until it is finalized, but I've actually stuck with this one for more than a day, so that bodes well!)

The First One To Finish Their Steak is the Winner of "Steak"!

Scrubs is back, and has brought with it one of the awesomest things I have ever seen on television. Sarah, next time we go get drunk on steak, we are so doing this:

Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead

So, 2009 is commencing with some sad news - my mother's frog, described in detail here (http://leahgia.blogspot.com/2008/12/frog-that-would-not-end.html), has finally met its demise. It has been on a downhill slope for some time, but the infamous thing croaked (...heh) this morning. At least, that was the official time of death - Maura, Margaret and I thought it looked pretty dead last night, but my mother did not believe us (which is unusual, because she likes Maura and Margaret better than she likes me, and usually listens to them). Turns out we were right. I have spent the morning spreading the bad news, and have gotten many sympathetic text and instant messages in return:

Taryn: Oh no! Are you sure? I'm so sorry! (to which I responded, "Sorry, ha! Now I don't have to worry about it killing me in my sleep!)

Mary: Did hell freeze over? followed by: I sent an e sympathy card to your mom. (I like this plan...if anyone needs my mom's e-mail address, let me know!)

Kathy: Hysterical laughter (as I told her on the phone), followed by: Der Frosch toetet!

Tricia: Holy crap are you sure? (I'm a bit scared by how many people asked if we were sure...although with this frog, you never know. It would be just like that thing to fake its own death.)

Sarah M: Omg, how? (The same with how many people asked how she died...although it probably would take some mystical, magical force to overcome the power this thing had).

Niki: No way! Not Jeni. Your mom must be devastated! followed by: We had a moment of silence. Derek thinks you should get her a replacement frog. (Clearly, Derek wants my mother and the replacement frog to come live with him and Niki when they get old, because they sure aren't coming to live with me!)

Carter: Nuh-uh! It FINALLY died? (a testament to how long this thing has been around, when that is how people react to its demise!) and later, a statement for which she is likely going to hell: Are we sure? Did your mom poke it with a pencil and everything? That thing has been known to resurrect itself, much like that which we know to be the Easter story.

Larry: Jenny died? When did that happen? I am sad. She was an awesome frog. Will there be a wake? (Sadly, no wake. But donations can be made, in lieu of flowers, to the Buy Leah a New Kate Spade Bag fund. Just send them to me, I'll make sure they get to the right place.)

Jeni (not the frog, but she for whom the frog was named): Oh, no! Are you going to have a frog funeral?

Even the work peeps are in shock...
Hope: OMG! Are there funeral arrangements? (Again, donations to the above-mentioned fund are appreciated!)

Angel: Sorry to hear of the passing of the invincible “Frog That Would Not End”. My guess is that it won’t be a very, very long grief after all, so get a hold of yourself! Be strong and bring bagels Monday morning for the 2-minute moment-of-silent. Deepest sympathy.

Nikki: I know you are deeply saddened by this tragic loss.

Julie: OMG! My condolences. Although I'm sure you aren't too distraught.

To be updated as more responses and condolences arrive....clearly, some people are in such a state of shock that they can't respond to the news very quickly! Also feel free to add your thoughts, fond memories, and most importantly, stories that make fun of Jeni the Frog in the comments section!