Kids! What's The Matter With Kids These Days?

In the past week, I have spent an inordinate amount of time with young people, even for me. Luckily, I acquired quite a few new kid quotes and stories, which I am happy to share with you here.

Scene: Swim lessons last Saturday

Child A: Miss Leah! Miss Leah!

Miss Leah: Hi, A! What's up!

Child A (with great exuberance in his voice, the kind usually reserved for a new puppy): I got a Harley Davidson vest!

At a second grade classroom in which I was volunteering with the Elementary Outreach Program at my work. This was the same class where we had to take a kid's experiment away from him because he tried to drink soap.

Random 7 year old, upon surveying the visitors in his classroom: Aw, man! Why are all the scientists girls?

Wednesday night at swim lessons, there was a bit of a vomit accident in the pool, and we had to add chlorine, which came in the form of a yellow liquid.

Various students in the Level 3 class: Why are we getting out? Did someone pee in the pool? Did one of the babies pee in the pool? What's that? Is that a bucket of pee? EW!

Swim lessons on Saturday. I was informing the class that I wasn't going to be here next weekend (see The Adventures of Ken and McKenna for details).

Miss Leah: I have some very sad news for everyone! I won't be here next week, but I'll be back the week after that, which is a very exciting day! It's our last day, and on the last day, we have surprises!

Child A: What is it? Is it a gun?

Miss Leah: Um, no. It's something you can eat! You couldn't eat a gun, could you, silly?

Child A: Yes.

*And yes, that is Child A of the aforementioned vest. Strange that he's been so oddly quoteable - he's actually one of my favorite kids. Listens, doesn't bite me, parents aren't assholes, etc. Maybe that's why it's so strange when he says these things.

On a related note, I got to spend Saturday with one of the most well-behaved and photogenic children I've ever met. See The Smerks for more details.

Super Duper Bowl

So, as you all should know, the Steelers have won their 6th Super Bowl, and it was glorious. As you can imagine, my mother hosted a Super Bowl party to watch the game and celebrate the impending victory. We spent most of Sunday setting up the viewing area:

Included in the setup was this lovely crock pot which looked like it came straight out of Swingtown. Taryn, I wonder if anyone ever made Rosy Perfection Salad (http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html) in this...

While we were watching, we watched Puppy Bowl V on Animal Planet, which is one of the awesomest things I've ever seen. One particular highlight is shown at the Animal Planet website, http://animal.discovery.com/videos/puppy-bowl-v-streaker.html; unfortunately, it wouldn't let me embed the video here. But it is well worth the visit to the site.

Speaking of puppies, Rusty and Holly helped set up. They visited my mother's blow-up Ben Roethlisberger, who had come all the way home from her office to watch the game:

Holly also had a nice visit with the Steeler bear, which converts into a Steeler fabric-covered football that my mother often throws at people in the hallways in her office.

In addition to decorating the room, she also decorated herself:

Not every member of the family was so well dressed, though. David secured his place as her Least Favorite Child by showing up in this pretty outfit, which I believe was predominantly Eagles colors, and by sitting in a chair and nonchalantly watching the game.

Even getting hit in the head by a Terrible Towel couldn't make him excited for the game.

David had to leave about halfway through the game to return to his mansion and the party his harem was throwing there. My mother wanted to know why he was leaving, and asked if it was because the food there was better. Mrs. Beall and Mrs. Brake reminded him that the food didn't matter - clearly, the women at the other party couldn't possibly be any better than they were! Despite this fact, he left, and took his anti-Steeler thoughts with him.

Throughout the first quarter, my mother got very excited by the game, possibly using a small amount of profanity. Maura very helpfully translated some of her exclamations into more crowd-friendly terms. For instance, from now on, the phrase "shit shit shit!" is considered to be French for "Go Steelers!"

Somehow, we survived the first half of the game, and were rewarded with Bruce Springsteen being awesome. He's no Billy Joel, but he'll do. Maura and Margaret got more into the halftime show than I did:

After the halftime show, which appeared to make a giant mess on the field, the game commenced, and the chances of my mother having a coronary increased drastically as the score got closer. At one point, the Cardinals were down by four points. For some reason, my mother had moved across the room next to Mr. Beall, who tried to convince her that if the Cardinals' kicker did a somersault across the field before he kicked a field goal, they would earn four points instead of three, and the game would be tied. She did not think this was funny.

It was by this point in the game that Holly decided she was tired of football, and wanted to make her way around the furniture, wagging her tail at people and trying to get food.

She also tried to help Mr. Brake eat a cookie, but he was too smart to fall for her trickery.

It was at this point that the game started to very scary for Steeler fans. My uncle called repeatedly, and my mother put him on speakerphone until she realized that all he was doing was yelling something that Maura would translate to "Go Steelers."

As the Cardinals gained more points and then a slight lead, she got even more worried. Unable to watch the game, she instead discovered a new use for her Terrible Towel. Poor Mrs. Beall had to tell her what was going on in the last seconds of the game. Luckily, the Steelers scored the last touchdown of the game, edging ahead and winning. Yay! Everyone was very happy--if not for themselves, then at least for my mother and the fact that she did not, in fact, have a heart attack during the game.

Oh, and then there's this--the awesomest Super Bowl commercial with Conan O'Brien in it all night. Enjoy!